So long little blops…

A few weeks ago, i wrote regarding my pregnancy journey. But now, I will write about my miscarriage journey 🙂

i’ve been spotting on and off since 2 weeks ago (around week 7+3). Started with heavy bleeding – without cramping. I already told my self and DH that, we should let go everything since the bleeding was super heavy. It was red gush blood. Next morning, we went to OB/GYN.

On the meeting, i’ve been checked with transvaginal u/s. At that time, my baby was healthy, heartbeat strong. I cried at that time, plus I couldn’t believe my baby survived the bled.

Long story short before that, my previous doctor (Prof Endy) suspect me with fraternal twins pregnancy, but the other doesn’t seem viable.

Doctor assumed that my placenta is getting of so it caused the bled. Also, he couldn’t find the other twins. So he assumed that the other twin already vanished. He suggested me to do a total bed rest at the hospital for 5 days. Day after still bled, until the 4th day it started clean and i can went home on the 5th day, which was Friday.

He suggested me still bed resting at home with limited activity. I can still take a shower, pee or poop though. It’s been great for the weekend. Clean slate.

But the blood came again next Monday. This time it was black – brown blood. Since it happened on the afternoon, and the next Tuesday was public holiday, I couldn’t go to the clinic, so me and DH decided to go to doctor on Wednesday. I still had the postive thinking since the blood was black and brown.

Checked up on the doctor, did another transvaginal ultrasound, everything was great, the baby is developing, heartbeat is strong. Fiuh. another day passed. Doctor assumed the cause of bled was the left over from a week ago.

Still bleeding for the next few days until the weekend.

Sunday night, before went to shower, i saw red clot blood. I got this negative feeling, but still trying to be positive.

Early Monday morning, i woke up with super cramp on my stomach, and heavy red blood with CLOTS on my pads. I know this isn’t something good.

Went straight to the doctor, and… As i predicted, when the doctor did transvaginal ultrasound, he said “it’s no longer there, only blood”. Then he suggested me to directly do the dilation and curettage. Me and DH agree with that.

I couldn’t hold my tears. I feel devastated, angry, and sad.

But i have to be wise, maybe this isn’t our right time. Maybe God have another plan for us.

This is my short letter to our baby blops up there..

Screen Shot 2017-04-04 at 1.31.48 PM

RIP our baby blop(s)
Its been a grateful moments for these past 10 weeks.
Maybe she/he doesn’t want to be alone, so she/he follow his/her late brother/sister.

It’s hard. It’s sad. But life has to move on.
It’s not our ‘right time’ this time.

Mom & dad loves you even you both not even born yet.

PS: i’m crying while writing this post 🙂

 

 

 

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